DEATH TO THE CLOWNS:THE MYSTERY OF THE WANKERS IN THE CLOWN OUTFITS

It’s unusual for Mojo20 to not stay in their lane and aim directly at the comings and goings, past and present of the world of music. However, it’s no secret that we don’t subscribe to mass social media crazes, the conformity to recent trends or the ongoing, slow and steady retardation of the nation. The recent #ClownSighting epidemic has caught my attention as I firmly believe I’ll never understand what sort of c**t dresses up like a circus clown and prowls the streets in an effort to intimidate an innocent and unassuming public. As if Jack Jones and other tits that flew the flag for “banter” and “videoing yourself acting like a twat to get laughs” weren’t bad enough but this is another level. The following feature is no more than filler and a vessel in which to openly address how I feel about you, if you’re a part of this new movement. Get a job, get a girlfriend, put the red wig down and fuck off! Here’s a few of our favourite tracks that demonstrate the correct use of the term… clown.

The Kinks / Death of a Clown
Kicking things off with the track that the name of the article was spun from (derrr) It’s Dave Davies at his best, taking the reins from his brother Ray and showing us that he had the skills to pay the bills too. I always remember discovering this song as the vocal differences between the two brothers is so apparent and it kind of threw me back on first listen, but remains a favourite and one where the lyrics are never far from my mind.

Korn / Clown
If it was fifteen years ago I’d start this article by saying, Korn are one of the world’s biggest nu-metal bands and Jonathan Davies is god, especially when he’s popped a little kilt on. However it is 2016 and I’m not sure how many people still like or remember Korn, but hell damn it, I’m one of those people. Clown was the fourth featured single from the debut self titled album and it was always my favourite from it too. The video was banging as well so be sure to check that out on the Youtube.com. It’s grimey, creepy and actually sounds like the musical equivalent of a creepy as, Tim Curry-esque clown. Not like the pussy-oles in the street with iPads and GoPros and that like recently.

Slipknot  / (Various)
Choose literally any Slipknot song ever, and for two reasons. One because they’re all awesome and two because since day one, the band has featured the wonderfully talented and charismatic Shawn Crahan, also known as Clown. I’d absolutely love to see Shawn go one on one with some 22-year-old from Iowa, dressed like Ronald McDonald with a water gun. I know where my money would be. By the same token, if I do get targeted by one of these mysterious banter clowns, if he looks anything like Shawn, I’ll take my own life before he gets the chance…

Jack Johnson / Rodeo Clowns
Look out, It’s Jack Johnson. Talking of blasts from the past, who remembers this naughty little scamp from the early to mid-2000’s? Making the aforementioned Korn look as relevant as Drake or Justin Bieber, Johnson has long since disappeared from the spot light but he was all over the place back in the day with his infectious brand of soft, folk rock. ‘Rodeo Clowns’ was featured on 2003’s ‘On and On’ LP, and gets a special mention here because the only thing worse than the street dwelling, banter thirsty kind of clown we deal with today is the pricks that torture and torment defenceless animals in the name of sport and entertainment. Check the track out though, it’s actually pretty sweet and Johnson gets to show off a more up tempo vocal delivery in place of his laid back, Hawaiian style.

The Mylestones – The Joker
I hate this song. I hate it almost as much as this whole fad. I remember getting hold of it whilst digging for new Back to Mono set list worthy material. I finally sat down and listened to it in full once I’d already committed it to disc and it sucked. That’s all I have to say about that. The Mylestones really let themselves down here.

Van Morrison / Virgo clowns
There’s certainly not a million contemporary songs featuring the word clown, or about clowns or featuring the word clown (avoiding ‘Stuck in the middle with you by… Louise Redknapp, because it’s too easy) so what a treat it is, as always, to feature Van the man. Not one of his biggest tracks ever but it does feature on the wonderful ‘His band & the street choir’ from 1970. We don’t need to go into any more detail than that, it’s Van Morrison, just enjoy it.

Arctic Monkeys / Fluorescent Adolescent
Any excuse to listen to a bit of Sheffield’s finest export. Probably one of the weirdest music video ideas the band came up with as we witness clowns and old men fighting. Probably just a standard night out in Sheffield nowadays with all these sightings.

The Offspring / Coming For You
From clowns fighting old men to clowns fighting clowns from The Offspring’s music video for Coming For You. As far as I’m aware, it was just a comeback single of sorts but was chosen as the official theme tune to 2015’s WWE Elimination Chamber. Doink The Clown would’ve bloody loved it.

So there’s our choices. We used this stupid, attention seeking “fad” for our own gain in the form of a throwaway website piece but in all seriousness, if you do see any of these dickheads dressed as clowns; don’t approach or antagonise them. Just keep walking and ignore them. Stay safe. And remember, only idiots would, as an adult; willingly dress up as a clown…

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Words by Stuart Green (@mojo20_music) & Robert Smith(@robertmsmith).

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